Length of a piece of string finally determined! It is a question that has troubled humanity for generations, leading to war, famine and domestic disharmony. Just how long is a piece of string? The answer has been discovered and was announced yesterday. Funded by The Rag, a crack team of philosophers has been working on the problem for years and has finally concluded that a piece of string can be said to be as long as twice the distance from its middle to its end. Socrates worked on the project in the role of Legendary Classical Greek Philosopher and he was quick to praise the work of his fellow philosophers on the project. 'The Skeptics said they doubted it could be done, and the Agnostics weren't too sure,' he said. 'The Cynics questioned our motives but finally, after years of patient thought and animated debate we have figured out the length of a piece of string. 'All of the credit must go to everyone who worked on the project, especially me. The Confucianists also wanted to thank their parents and grandparents.' According to reports from within the research forum, the Taoists left the group after only two weeks after letting it slip that they weren't fussed about the project either way. The Zen Buddhists have poured scorn on the research, regarding the question as pointless. 'Put simply, the string doesn't exist,' said Zen Master Bodhidharma. Posted on 24th March by Rob Crunchie